I've been neglecting this blog. I could say it's because of other obligations--school, extracurriculars, social life. My dog has had some health problems of his own that have been taking up a lot of my attention.
But, truthfully, I think it's that I wanted to push all of my health problems out of my mind, to ignore them in a feeble attempt to forget that they existed. For a blessed six months--the first half of 2011--I was in better health than I had been in years. I was able to take a full load of classes, I went dancing at least once a week, I interned in a lab. I still had problems, but they were manageable. I was happy. I thought about my health, but it was at the back of my mind, rather than constantly in my thoughts. Illness seemed far off, and I was able to pretend that it was.
It did not last. In June, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Fortunately, my seizures are only partial, but they are still terrifying to experience, and so far, have been difficult for me to manage. My gastrointestinal health has also made an unhappy and sudden decline. I no longer have the luxury of not thinking about my health. I no longer have the luxury of eating solid food. I've thrown up almost every day for the past week, and when I can eat, I am rocked with torturous abdominal pain.
I don't know what the next step is. It's hard to admit this, but I'm scared.